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March 26, 2025

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Monica Gutierrez

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Anxious

Understanding Anxious Attachment: Signs, Causes, and Support

Anxious attachment is a relational pattern that often develops in early childhood due to inconsistent caregiving—when emotional support feels unpredictable or unreliable. As adults, individuals with anxious attachment may crave closeness but also fear abandonment. This can create a constant state of emotional tension and worry, especially in romantic relationships.

 For example, someone with an anxious attachment style may feel distressed if a partner takes too long to reply to a message, interpreting the delay as rejection. Common symptoms include overthinking, low self-esteem, emotional sensitivity, fear of being alone, and a strong need for reassurance.

Coping Strategies for Anxious Attachment

Healing is possible with increased self-awareness and supportive tools. Here are some evidence-based strategies:

  • Practice grounding or mindfulness techniques when emotional overwhelm arises.
  • Journal your thoughts to identify patterns and separate fear from reality.
  • Attend individual therapy (especially attachment-based, trauma-informed, or somatic therapy).
  • Build secure, reciprocal relationships through clear communication and boundary-setting.
  • Engage in self-compassion practices to reduce self-blame and increase emotional safety.

Helpful Books

  • Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
  • The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson
  • Insecure in Love by Leslie Becker-Phelps

Take a Free Attachment Quiz

Curious about your own attachment style? Take this free, research-informed Attachment Styles Quiz from Trauma Solutions to learn more about how your early experiences may shape your relationships today.

Resources

  • Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. The Guilford Press.
  • Cassidy, J., & Shaver, P. R. (Eds.). (2016). Handbook of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
  • Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511
  • Trauma Solutions. (n.d.). Attachment Styles Quiz. Retrieved from https://traumasolutions.com/attachment-styles-quiz/